The Way It is

Like the tides Life ebbs and flows...

Ok I have been really out of it lately in all aspects thanks in part to home life being rather hectic and well pained. Now I am not one to really air my laundry or life but I figure what the hell I have a blog so why the fuck not?

Wednesday of last week my very unstable relationship took a turn for the uh well I suppose the better, I am experiencing life as I should with no stress, and believe me there is no stress...
Strain...
Anger...
or
Sorrow...

I am taking a few weeks, months, years to myself trying to get everything sorted out, figuring out just what I want in
Life...
Love...
and
Self!!!

So far all I know is I want to be alone, find myself again and enjoy just being me... and I am... Times are interesting, will things work out to the best advantage??? I dont really know right now...

* I do know I dont want the bullshit that has occurred in the past...
* I do know I dont want to lose the person who was my best friend for 16 plus years...
* I do know that I am willing to release if they arent willing to meet me in the middle...
* I do know I dont want to continue living in misery...
* I do know I dont want to make them miserable...
* I do know that I love the person I knew once upon a time...
* I do know that I want to be published someday...
* I do know that i want to be happy...
* I do know that I dont want to be involved in a relationship with anyone until I know myself again...
* I do know I want a family...
* I do know I want love and respect...

and last but not least

* I do know that in the next two to three years luck willing I will be taking a month off and travelling (OMG) to Scotland and maybe Ireland where I plan on resting and cogitating, hey maybe I will find a gorgeous, loving scottish lord who will be intrigued by my American status and I will get to do nothing but sit at home writing for the rest of my days, while he does the dishes and cleaning LOL! Just Kidding... I am not ready for a relationship...

So I do know a bit and hopefully as some of the doubts subside and everything begins to ease I will be getting slowly but surely back into myself and sims writing...

Hey I am even working as we speak on an update for DE 80)

Cheers!

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A woman's Purse (Question/Funny)

This is just a funny discussion, one I laughed about quite a bit and got me thinking… LOL! Hubby and I had a really good conversation on this particular subject and I thought why not? What are other’s purse thoughts, feelings/habits? (My sense of humor is seriously dry and I swear I am not losing it) LOL!

As a woman who has carried a dainty, adorable or just generally cute purse since I was but a girl, because my gram and my mom did I have learned how to efficiently become a purse pack-rat fought through the years to avoid the half your body size bags that said individuals carried....

The point to this whole post is well… My husband and I were having a discussion regarding my ‘Wallet’ aka portfolio.

“The chaotic, only you know where anything is?” item… (husbands actual quote)

There is a place for credit cards, a place for a note book and of course hidden spots everywhere meant to transport files, documents etc. But the best part it has a zipper so I carried everything I needed in there, many times to the point the sides were bulging. Now because this item was far too large for one of my purses and had all the functionality of one I quit going between my four or five color coordinated bags. The first sign of purse ratting…

Still I disillusioned myself into believing that because it did not have handles it was merely a wallet…

After uhm… I would have to say a year of not being able to carry a purse let alone wanting to after my surgery, I began to feel that all too feminine, familiar feeling of having a heavy bag pulling on my good shoulder and low and behold my anniversary gift at work was.

Dun…Dun…Dun…

A TOTE!

Spacious, room for everything... (Oh God! I am officially my mother and every female preceding me in my family of Purse-Ratters…) now did I think of this uh when I got the bag?

Honestly no…

I had my pretty, shiny, alluring new black bag…

My inner female urges to carry around a bulging bag have finally been quenched, this thing is so large I needn’t worry about not being able to carry my writing pads, my unmentionables, gum, smokes (Yes I picked back up smoking after a year) current book I am reading, lunch and a binder for other writing. I actually still have plenty of non bulged room to add in extra’s like the front pocket where I store all my necessary items that I need easy access too, reach in pull it out and viola I have the item in question. A pen/pencil pocket plus two side pockets, one mesh that stretches to accommodate the always necessary bottle of water or much to my own surprise lately root beer. The other is stiff but holds the face plate to the truck stereo and my special glass cleaner for my anti glare (currently broken) glasses. 80) Plus it has a nifty little elastic zipper pull in which I have found a perfect use for! I have now instituted my rituals, every time I get in and out of my vehicle after only two months of owning said item.

It used to be my keys got dropped into it, or the supposed wallet but most recently since I actually locked my keys in the truck for the first time ever! They are clipped to my bag, then the faceplate gets put away.

Now here is the question, I have become so accustomed to having this huge diaper-esq. bag with me what would happen if I tried to carry one of my dainty can’t fit anything more than perhaps a pack of gum and a credit card purse???

Husband seems to think that it would blow up miserably… LOL!

Personally I think it wouldn’t be that bad, I would just be missing all the extra space and would be once again carrying around armloads of extra items… LOL!

What are your purse habits?

Does everything you own, find, kids etc give to you get lost in a bottomless pit AKA purse? Or have you managed to cut out the purse ratting?

Do you Carry a bag, a purse? Is it small, medium or large? Or do you prefer to keep everything in a portfolio (Wallet)

Just a random post to say I am still here and would like to know what fellow past/present SWA members or others that make their way across my blog think. A Get to Know You so to speak, LOL! and a nice diversion from other pressing matters from all around 80)

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Announcement and Apologies

I am still here everyone!
Just wanted to let you all know that I am still reading, please forgive me for not commenting or posting anything other than rants, raves and all together crap. 80) I just like to give it my all, in truth I have been rather blah lately, tired from work. not to mention all that is on my plate at the moment. So what RL is a bitch, so am I lol! at least when I get cornered, I will ride the lightening bolt and yee haw all the way. LOL!

I am fully prepared to return in full force in January or whenever my computer gets back from the doctor. Hopefully before the end of December, and had to pay a bill so I dont have my Lap Top yet... Pooh... I really need some retail therapy, LOL!

Random mumbles here,

I have been working full force with Butterfly which is no longer butterfly I am hoping to eventually get it finished for prospective publish, I am doing well with the first draft of the re-write. somewhere along the lines of 42,800 words so far 80) granted that is still needs some smoothing in the long run. 80)

So anyhoo enough rambling now, I am letting you know just because I havent really been commenting but sporadically does not mean I am not reading, but unless by some miracle I get my LT before next weekend I will be computerless other than at work, since brother broke his. 80( So I really wont be around much during December. 80( other than at work and as many of you know unless there isnt a warning on your stories I cant read them.

Okey Dokey If I dont get to send this out before MERRY CHRISTMAS and HAPPY NEW YEAR!

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Some Good news, Bad news and some crap too!

The Good News

I have a good chunk of Dark Eyes written, have taken over half the screens needed for Jays update and think I am nearly done Transposing.

As well I have had a release of sorts and have had my nose stuck Literally in re-writing butterfly totally for publish. 80) Someday I will get around to finishing off Butterfly blog wise. I am sure there are a few out there interested. 80)

I am getting a lap top!!! SQUEAL!!! Early Christmas birthday present of sorts! and it is decent not the greatest graphics suck so it wont really be for gaming but it will be good for writing. 80)

Bad news

I am not going to be posting to DE anytime soon. Perhaps after the holidays maybe a bit sooner. I really want to take my time and make sure this is good and quality. 80) I will keep everyone informed. Plus I have a few more things set up wise that need to be done. 80) This means... GASP I may actually just have the time to get caught up on everyone's stuff. I know I have been out of it lately, just trying to get back into the groove of things.

The Crap

As many of you know my husband has been battling some issues over the past year. and well this weekend we got some really bad news... How it is going to affect me I dont know, but I am grateful to at least have my stories and my blogmates. 80) I will be strong it is the only thing I can do.

Ok off to work, just wanted to check in and let you all know whats up. 80)

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BAtT Hiatus

Thanks to my younger brothers attempt at being kind... He tried to download a Torrent of M&G (If I really wanted it I would buy it) well when he installed it he didnt back up any of my files, so....... I have had to re-install everything, because it didnt work... Thus my having lost several of my characters.... Arianne comes to mind first of all....

So! sad to say, I have to try and find Wilshire manor again that is a pain in the a double scribble, Try and rebuild Marianne's lot and then there is the whole!!! hassel of recreating all the families etc... Oh yeah and charles and Margaret will be moving again.... (SCREAM)!!!!!!!

All this thanks to my lazy butt not doing a weekly back up of my folders... And the fact that my D.S. Brother (Trust me I am not happy) didnt know to back up before trying to install. I cant fault him for trying to be sweet and all, but word to the computer wise at least thought concept wise....

NEVER F*** WITH SOMEONE ELSES!

Ok I think I am done ranting about this... Just wanted to let you all know, Never allow a sibling to live with you, LOL! especially if they believe they are more intelligent about computers... nah... Not really I do love him despite all his idiotic misgivings... But now I am stuck having to go through all my crap and locate what I can in regards to BAtT. So the update is along ways off...

Do have to say he finally remembered where he put my handwritten pages so when I am up and running again in the Butterfly realm that is... A Wedding should hopefully occur. *wink wink* Until then I do have DE fully operational...

Oh yes forgot to mention this all happened uh... two weeks ago... I just didnt realize how bad my BAtT organization was until I was trying to go through all of my many...... Files pertaining to it...

I will not give up, I will not give up, LOL!

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Random News

Absolutely random and mundane news,

I guess I am just buzzing... The muse has struck me, more aptly decided to repeatedly beat me over the head and force me to pound out a whole crap load of DE stuff... This last chapter although not exactly what I would have wanted actually gave me a point of direction. Hurray!!! and I have all the shots for the next chapter and possibly unless I decide to force upon you all an extremely long one, at least half to 3/4's of Chapter 8 as well.

Then there is that all around wonderful glow! the best feeling in the world is having your co-worker pull you aside and tell you not to where those pants anymore because they make you look like you've got a load in your pants. I know it sounds rude, but she meant it in the best possible way, as well she gave me a new "Sexy" suit... LOL! So I tried it on and although I avoid vanity it felt good to actually look good in it.

SO I tried on a bathing suit I bought last year in hopes of fitting into come summer... No such luck and low and behold IT FITS!!!! Yet another strike to the self esteem. I have successfuly lost 65 pounds, and am only 30 away from my wedding weight, Oh how lovely that would be to be back at a 7... Granted no one can believe that I was as heavy as I was. Height certainly helps...

Only bad news in all of this, I absolutely cant come up with anything for butterfly and lost all my "HANDWRITTEN" pages for the next chapter, that I hadnt typed up as yet. I have a bad feeling when my brother cleaned up the other day he threw them out. My fault for having left them sitting on the floor beside my computer I suppose. But the dang cats kept knocking em off... Hopefully I will find them again and be able to get the same release that I got from DE and soon...

Ok that's the end of my random mumblings... at least for now, hopefully I will have a DE update in the next couple of days... 80)

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Announcement of Sorts

Hello Everyone,

Firstly I want to thank all of you for reading and commenting on my stories. I appreciate all of the support and patience in this extremely trying time for me. *hugs to you all!

Now,
I have reached an all time low. With everything going on with my husband I am reeling... I cant focus on anything and have been extremely depressed for the last couple of weeks. I dont want to bore you all with the details nor do I want to vent on you either, besides I cant really explain how I am feeling, knowing what I know. So I am going to take a few months and get back to 'Me', spend some time with my husband and enjoy the time we have. Try and get some sort of control of this bitch of a disease!

I am truly stressed, frightened and strained. Both sides of our family seem to be loading brick after brick upon me, I am having to deal with my hubby and myself all by myself. Which is contributing to this emotional pitt.

I am a bit worried in terms of what I have come up with for Corinne, and would like someone to review if anyone is interested. Another reason why I am taking a step back, when I write it feels really dark to me. Which is fine on one hand, but extreme is extreme. At least Jayden is getting some attention.

I will continue to read any updates and hope that I will still have a place with you all when I have beat this shit!

As well I have been in the rare moments of clarity taking photos and working on the next two updates for Butterfly and DE. Dont know exactly how long it will be before they are posted but they will be up soon enough.

Once again Thank you all for your understanding and patience. 80)

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Delay in updates

I am leaving you with this pictures as a preview,

but I will be delayed for an indefinate amount of time. My husband has been admitted to the hospital and we dont know how long he will be in. Hopefully it will be short, but I am not expecting it to be so...

So I wont be updating either Butterfly or DE this weekend possibly not next either depending on what happens. Sorry 80)

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I am sorry!!!

I know that everyone has updated and I am running behind on catching up. Been fighting with my game and to tell you truthfully I will have my next post, the last for a while up either late tonight or tomorrow sometime. My game has been giving me fits, and the one lot I need to finish this particular piece is well for lack of a better way to put it. Giving me the finger!!! So I am going to have to build something else. *GRUMBLE*

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A day in the life of A public Servant!!!

Alright so I woke up on the wrong side of the bed this morning, and it just goes to show that you should always try to laugh. LOL!!!

This morning, around 9 I got a general phone call about, a guy wanting information as to what types of services we provide at our office.

Perfectly normal situation, I explained our services everything else answered any questions he might have.

After about 5 minutes on the phone the guys says

"thank you miss you have answered all of my questions and been of great service to me..." ok so here's the fun part,

I said your welcome, and he replies.

"Ribbit!"

I would have sworn I was hearing things but he kept going. "Ribbit, ribbit ribbit," LMAO!!! actually no ROFLMAO!!! and then he just hung up. The funniest part is he had a really deep voice, and my random question on Google blogger is how I would like to live my life as a Frog!!! 80)

I stared at the dead reciever for about 10 seconds before hanging it up and literally running to the back of the office to die laughing.

Well now I will walk by someone and say ribbit, or they will say it to me. LOL!!! It has really taken on a life of it's own. Who knows what ailments this guy suffers, but he certainly perked up my mood... So thank you mysterious frog guy, LOL!

Just thought I would share my fun venture as a public servant.

Moral of the story, when you're in need of a laugh someone will happily oblige. And this is the life of a public servant! LOL!

It was certainly a much needed laugh, especially when I have been running on angry over my game etc. 80)

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