Sorry I am complaining (you dont have to read)
As you all well know my husband is in need of a Liver transplant,
I am extremely dissapointed with him because he has given up his will and has begun to go to his friends and come home WASTED!!!.
AND somehow in the process I have become everyone's garbage dump, if I say anything to his side I am selfish and selfcentered,
Say anything to myside and all I get is be strong for your husband and a string of poor me's from in regards to there own issues.
Now my job is in jeopardy because I had a mild yet still! nervous breakdown!!! couple that with stress induced high blood pressure and stress induced insomnia and anxiety attacks I am now facing a "talking to" from my manager and supervisor. Actually just waiting on the super now. Manager actually understands and is willing to work with me.
I am just really venting, having a very difficult time handling all of this, mostly because I dont have anyone to support me, (I am not asking for it) I just need to get it out.
I also want to say I am actually caught up on everyones updates, just with my head spinning so much I have not been capable of commenting. There is a severe lack of focus for me.
Sorry for the Vent!
Cherie, what else is a blog for but to vent?! It's YOUR blog! You can do what you want with it!
I can't believe your husband is doing this to you after what you went through! Although, if I flip it I can see it from his perspective as well! *sigh* Are y'all going to have a sit down talk?
My thoughts and prayers are with you! I hope everything works out for you!
Thank you Cheryl,
We have been sitting down and talking but he's an obstinate stubborn ass.
I do see his perspective but to continually put us through this knowing it is hurting everyone including him is ridiculous. Especially when he is standing firm in his belief that he would rather die happy and drunk thank die sober and possibly extend his life but have to take medication.
It will I am just afraid that I will have to file for a seperation, and with the fact it is causing me health and financial issues it just might have to be.
Cherie my prayers are with you, I really hope the situation gets better... I hope your husband opens his eyes before it is too late...
I know that what I'm about to say is selfish, but if he doesn't care about his health, he certainly wont care for yours...
You care for yourself and let him deal with his problem as he wants... (I know I sound evil) but don't let him make you sick too...
He is the selfish one, he shoud be trying his best and he should be grateful he has someone like you by his side.. .men can really be so stupid and selfish....
Agree with Cheryl, this is your blog vent all you want! Maybe we won't have anything to say, but at least you can take out whatever it is bothering you!!!
Best wishes for both of you, and you do what you have to do! Think about yourself too!
What Sandy said does have a ring of truth to it. Have you brought your health problems to him? What has he said about it? Is he concerned?
Well, I am. You need to take care of yourself. You can't be strong for him if there's nothing left of you because you've had a breakdown!
My sincere wishes for the health of both of you. I pray that he will suddenly have some sort of enlightenment and want to stop drinking. I wish that your family will actually stop and listen, instead of plaguing you with all their own crappola. That's pretty insensitive. I wish you peace, hon. Take care of yourself. And feel free to vent all you want! If you can't get support at home, at least you can get a little here. Whether you ask for it or not, your internet friends are more than happy to listen. We all need that sometimes.
Cherie, you really do need to sit down with him and talk. He needs to know that you are there for him but that he must be there for you as well. The last thing he needs with a failing liver is liquor of any sort.
Most importantly you have to take care of yourself. He is an adult even if he isn't acting like one and you are not responsible for his bad choices. You cannot bear the burden of his poor judgment along with your own stress, health issues and job worries. It is way too much.
As for the family, you need to tell them that it isn't all about them! Trust me on this one, families can be so egocentric that they cannot see your sacrifices for him, your support of him and your need for some of that back. If they can't do that, you need to find someone you can talk to. Whether it is here or with a trusted friend, don't keep this inside you because it will eat at you for years to come. Don't ruin your life and your future because he is self destructing. Don't let it take you down too.
I'm so sorry. Do try to take care of yourself. It's impossible to fix other people.
Well, just going to throw in my 2 cents but I do want you to know that I will be praying for you and hope everything works out okay.
I won't tell you that I think you should get a divorce or anything like that-it is up to you completely. If you feel like he's worth the trouble, don't give up. Obviously he isn't strong enough to come out of this alone, but I know you are. And hey, venting does EVERYONE good and a blog is just the perfect way to do it.
I know what you mean about family too, sometimes they say they will 'always' be there when you need anything but don't always know the best way to do that and can actually make things worse.
I think the best advice I could give you is to search your heart for the best thing for you, whether it be to stick with this or get out. You know what is best for you and I know you've got the strength it takes-look how long you've already been dealing with it.
In any case, know that there are wonderful people out here that will listen and be there for you. I wish you all the best and truly hope that you overcome this soon.
Thank you all so very much!
I have been talking with him, he is truly being selfish, and I have told all the family members that if they cant say something positive or just listen then to not bother with their two cents.
It was truly frightening, I was dizzy all day on Tuesday felt really odd so went to the doctor, along with the fact due to reasons beyond my control I couldnt stop crying. My doctor has put me on HBP medication for two weeks and wanted to admit to the hospital for observation. Because my stress levels are so high. I think it's more she believes I would do something to hurt myself. (Not going to happen)
Support groups, medication and a private therapist are all I have right now and they arent helping much, at least not yet. Then again it is all just hitting now.
I had wanted to talk with my management about what was going on but, well how do you truly broach the subject of Mental and physical stress!!! without making them feel your crazy. At least my manager made me feel a bit better. Then again I am concerned there too.
My husband was and still is worth it to me. But all I hear from him is 'I dont want to quit and no one is going to make me' and even he is telling me that I am being selfish in asking him to stop.
It's not just that, my mother is battling the same disease of alcoholism, her issue she has Hep C as well and is facing liver cancer too. I just dont know what to do anymore.
I love my husband we have been together with the exception of 4 years since '94 I have grown up with him and he with me. It is why I put up with this for so long I suppose. What kills me the most, I told him that unless he wants to get a divorce or seperate he is going to have to enter a treatment program, in which I earned the response that he cant live without me. and a refusal for treatment, unless it is AA. Well I got the information and dates and times. He didnt even go, (I dropped him off) he walked to his friends and got drunk. So he doesnt want help!!
If he loves me so much why is he purposefully and knowingly hurting me? Thank God I do not have children yet, I dont want to bring them into this mess. So in reality I have no ties to him other than my heart and my dreams. Which literally seem shattered. Not just by his drinking but more so now because he is drinking and with that they will not remotely consider him for a transplant and I am not going to lie to the doctor. So he is commiting a slow suicide.
The hospital told us if he quit drinking we could stave off the shut down of the liver for 2 to 4 years. But if he didnt we are looking at about 6 months to 1 year. Yet another issue, what do I do? Do I stay and watch him die... It's all so damned convoluted, heartbreaking.
It's obvious that my taking his keys and ensuring he has no money isnt working when he can just as easily go to a friends or a neighbors and get his drug.
Thank you all so very much for the supportive comments!
:( Oh Cherie... I can only imagine how hard it must be...
You will be in my prayers, and hopefully he will come back to his feet soon.
hugs
That attitude makes me so angry. You handle it a lot better than I would. I'd be gone already, but my ability to even tolerate drunk people or being around them anymore is NULL. I won't even hang out with my fiance's friends (and beg him not to, even though he doesn't drink) if I know they will be drinking, even mildly.
Like everyone else has said, it is completely up to you what you decide. It is your life and you know your own limitations and boundaries. I just can't imagine your family isn't being suppo--no, wait, I can. My damn family is the same way. It sucks. I wish you had someone there to physically offer you support and comfort. :( Going through this crap isn't easy and it's like a rollercoaster. One minute they want to get better, the next they don't HAVE a problem, you do, because you don't want them having a "drink". And drink = a million. Sigh.
I can't imagine everyone being blind to it, even though everyone is blind to my mother. Her liver is getting to the point of your husband's and my grandparents resume their blissful ignorance, seemingly content to watch her die as opposed to dealing with it.
I'm so sorry, Cherie. Words cannot express how much I wish you didn't have to go through this. It being your husband, the man who is SUPPOSED to support and love and whatever else... ugh.
Addiction is horrible and people don't think, don't care until they lose everyone. Even then, they're so far gone, so bogged down with mental issues, health issues, they can't see through the damned fog.
I am really keeping you in my thoughts, Cherie. I hope this improves... I hope you can do what you need to do for you. :(
Oh, sweetie. I don't even know what to say to comfort you. I am so sorry you're stuck in this situation and I truly wish there was something that someone could do. Knock some sense into his head at the very least. It saddens me deeply that he doesn't even care if he is hurting you, while you helplessly stand by his side. I would like to say I would pack up and leave and let him make his own decisions - tough love and all that - but I know it's not as simple as that. Especially when you have so many emotions tied to him. I'll keep you in my thoughts and prayers and pray you make the right decision for yourself.